"'Wooshers,' Said Emily. 'WOOSHERS!'"

It's great to wake up one morning and realize you have no idea what you want anymore. Ok, so maybe that's not exactly what happened. But still.

Three things I have realized that are sort of distinct yet sort of tie in with each other:

1. My life is not on the path to achieve any of the "little plans" I've had in my head. Some of this is because of my own folly/squandered time, some of it is due to things that are beyond my control. Nevertheless, the reality of my life is very different than the plans I created in my head.

2. I was wanting a lot of things because I thought I was supposed to want them, not necessarily because I DID want them. Well, I thought I wanted them. But I feel like I was largely influenced to want them by things I was reading. Like, all the Christian articles about getting married and having kids young thing. Now I'm thinking, can you really boil it down to a formula for everyone like that? Seriously. I don't think people should get married young OR old now -- that's between them and God. Sure, there are wrong, selfish reasons for putting off marriage, but there can be wrong, selfish reasons for getting married young, too. I'm just saying that everyone is on a different path and are placed on that path by GOD. They have to make sure they are right in their decisions on that matter with Him. After all, there is no commandment on the age thou shalt marry... :P

Also, I'm not saying that everything I wanted/didn't want was because I thought I was supposed to, entirely. I'm just thinking now, "DO I really want this because *I* want it?" Like, do I really NOT want to go to college? Do I really want to homeschool my kids? Do I really want 5 kids? Do I really .... etc. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I don't know. I'm just allowing myself to CONSIDER the other options - going to college, not homeschooling my kids, not having five kids, etc. - to see how I feel about that.

and 3. There were things that I wanted that weren't entirely for the right reasons. I think a large part of the reason I wanted to get married and have kids young was so I wouldn't have to face all these questions and/or use it to avoid other things I didn't want to have to deal with. Not cool.

So that's some of what's been floating around in my brain lately... Ok, more like crashing around my brain, lol. :P