And after all this time...

I'd still rather believe that I'm fine.

I'd still rather believe that it never hurt me and never hurts me now.

I'd still rather push it down.

I'd still rather do the right things for the wrong reasons.

I'd still rather do the wrong things for the right reasons.

I'd still rather pretend that I know exactly what I'm doing and what it all means.

I'd still rather believe I can get by without sleeping.

I'd still rather believe I can always be in control.

I'd still rather count my own life as the only thing worth my time.

I'd still rather focus on the unimportance of past events.

I'd still rather rush to the future.

I'd still rather dig myself in too deep.

I'd still rather hold in the thoughts that really matter and let go recklessly of all the things that come back to haunt you.

I'd still rather get my own way.

How'd I get so effed up? Just wondering.

And how are you supposed to be young? Uhg. I know only so much to know that I know so little. I can't help it that I don't know it all. What am I supposed to do in the meantime is my question. I can't wait until I know more to move. And the only way to learn is to do. How do you start without any prior experience? Oh, I don't really know how to say the things I'm feeling...